Early Diagnosis Matters: Part 2, Psychological Reasons
I’ve already spoken several times about doctors not believing me when I told them about a symptom, or about pain. You can imagine the impact not being believed would have on my mental health. Once I got the diagnosis, I’ve never, ever had my symptoms minimised since. (Of course, this could be because I’m older, too– see Day 10’s link.) But having the diagnosis would have helped so much when explaining my health problems to professors, employers, and so many others.
For 11 years, I couldn’t tell people why I was sick all the time, or sometimes couldn’t get out of bed for pain, or sometimes had really random things go wrong in my body that made me miss big chunks of work and school. I didn’t know why I had trouble getting to morning lectures, or why I would catch EVERY. SINGLE. VIRUS. EVER. I just constantly had to ask for concessions in undergrad, and later, I had to hope and pray that my bosses were magnanimous.
I was thrown into deep bouts of depression for periods of my late teens and early twenties. I felt powerless and alone. It’s easy to fool yourself that your tiredness is really laziness when you’re questioning your every symptom and emotion. For many of those years, I wasn’t equipped to live with such a looming question mark, and I just wanted to be happy, and have life start going smoothly again.
In my mid-twenties, after trying 3 different careers and having my health problems essentially prevent me from having a future in any of them, I was thrown into the deepest depression of my life. I considered suicide, and I even had a plan. Life felt entirely hopeless, without a future, and full of escalating health difficulties of unknown origin.
Much of my healthy outlook now is due to a wonderful psychologist in Connecticut with whom I treated with for almost 8 years. I started seeing her when I was 19, when I was deeply depressed, almost catatonic, and was terrified I would never be able to get an undergraduate degree. She was my life-saver, literally, over those years. She helped me find my balance, stop dysfunctional thoughts and behaviour, and become self-reliant.
The diagnosis helped me the most. Even when I’ve had my roughest moments in the past 4 years, I haven’t descended into depression. A bad day no longer turns into an existential crisis. Nothing beats legitimisation.
Thank you for reading this. As well as talking about Lupus, I think it’s really important to talk about mental health, and remove taboo through normalisation. If you support that cause, check out a wonderful non-profit called The I’m-Possible Project. May is also Mental Health Awareness Month.
Unfortunately, The I’m-Possible Project no longer exists, but there are so many good projects out there, look for them in your community. Also, if you’re struggling, especially right now during this pandemic, you are not alone, and there are people who can help. Please, don’t hesitate to find a counsellor. Many are offering their services over video these days, so you can pick and choose to find the best one for your style. It’s worth it, and you’re worth it.
Wondering what’s going on with these posts? Check out my explanation HERE!
This Isolation Life 